All Apologies!!!

Since this is the last month in 11th before the examinations I’d sincerely like to make amends for all my stupidities in 11th, you know linking innocent people up irrespective of whether they like each other or hate each other. I wanted to post this stuff sooner but forgot so here’s my apology letter………..

Date: 25th Feb. 2006
To whosoever it may concern,
Subject: Sorry for my misconduct.

I would sincerely like to apologize to all those who have been victims to my antics. I hope you realize that I did all this for pure & harmless fun.
I realize that of late I have been acting like a complete idiot & a moron. I beg forgiveness for all the rumors that have been spreading in the school like wildfire, courtesy me of course. I hope all of you reading this realize that those rumors were baseless, well not all of them, but still I agree on the fact that it was very wrong of me to spread rumors linking people. I won’t name all my victims here so as to save them from further embarrassment & also to save my ass ,but I would like to mention them here under various aliases which some of them have acquired in the course of the spread of these rumors. Head Boy, Miss Head Boy-1, Miss Head Boy-2(yup there are 2 of them ). The Prof., Miss AP, Miss Lovely (that’s not her name) & Under Daker (nope my nose isn’t block it’s just that I couldn’t find any alias for this person which would effectively hide his identity). I would once again like to say sorry to you all because I myself have been in the same predicament & know how shameful it can feel when people point fingers at you in public linking you with some person or giving you weird nicknames .I promise not to do so ever again.
I hope you will all forgive me for my insolence & think better of me from now on.
Yours truly,
Abhi







P.S. To all those morons who thought I was being serious, hahahahahaha, do you think I will ever spare any of you till you die of shame or get eloped?!!!
Ta Ta da Ta da Ta da da _____ &_______(this is a line from the tilte track of neal & nikki & the names of my intended victims go here in these blanks)
So keep your eyes & ears open fellas coz there are still more rumors to come your way.
P.P.S. Did any of you know that SJC had a soft corner for Tanz & ………..(chal yaar nahi bataoonga)?!! Or that our Superstar is besotted with Ax?!! Bet you didn’t?!! But hey now you do;)
Abhi strikes again…………………………….
Mwahaha
(And an evil smile plays across his lips)
And yeah I am still working on the cockroach post!!

Me Myself &The Mosquitoes!!!

Ek macchar, saala ek macchar aadmi ko hijra bana deta hai……………….
Time: 11:29 p.m.
Venue: My room
My current Status: Annoyed

Here I am sitting in front of the computer, trying to listen to some tracks, trying to cram up stuff for my upcoming exams when this continuous buzzing sound inspires me to churn out yet another post.
At the stroke of midnight when the rest of the world sleeps, I stay awake in the hope of eliminating all mosquitoes that seek refuge in my room. It’s so damn irritating that when you try to engross yourself in any task, especially when you try to get some sleep or study, these mosquitoes start playing their orchestra all around you & especially very close to your ears. This is followed by a full army attack where these foul flying machines keep bouncing up & down all around you, occasionally hitting you especially on the side of your head. Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………WHACK………..mar gaya saala macchar!!
The average human is usually reduced to clapping his hand wildly in mid-air in the hope of bringing down some of them but most of these efforts turn out to be futile coz these creatures are as quick & smart as they are irritating. And if you live anywhere near my place, the surging population of these mosquitoes & their influx in your house can really cause an emotional & mental breakdown. The mosquito party starts late in the evening, at around 7 p.m. & continues till the wee hours of the morning. They forcibly remind me of the Mortein add where this mosquito named Louie is singing a song along with his comrades,” Macchar hoon main Louie mera naam sab ka khoon choosna hai mera kaam…..” sorry coz I don’t remember the lyrics completely & this damn mosquito is flying in loops all around me…….just a sec eh………..BAM…..yeh bhi mar gaya!!
All these stupid ads- Good Night, Mortein & Kachua Chaap (ridiculous name) which guarantees machhar ka complete safaya remain woefully ineffective in harming the mosquitoes that seem to have developed immunity towards them. One thing that I really appreciate about mosquitoes is their intelligence. Mosquitoes have a tendency to occupy that part of the ceiling which is inaccessible to the human hand & they also have really good hiding places, places where one would not actually expect to find them (these include the space under you sofa & by the time you realize this they would have already sucked up half of the blood from your legs)……Saale Bhain De Takke mujhe kaatta hai….SWHACK……take that you little pice of shit!!!
When such crude methods, such as trying to swat mosquitoes with your bare hands, fail it’s there where the mosquito racquet comes handy.
This ‘made in China’ maal is something like a table tennis racquet capable of imparting a mild electric shock which immediately kills mosquitoes that come in contact with it. It’s a much better & faster way to kill those devils rather than using your hands or the swat thingy & it is also rechargeable. I am really fond of this thing coz one of my hands remains free to enjoy any activity that requires the usage of hands while in the other I hold the mosquito killing racquet Moreover it is completely safe & comes with a 6 months warrantee period.. Isse chalana hai bilkul aasan aur keemat hai sirf 150 rupaye….Sorry for sounding like those people in the TeleBrands add but seriously I hail this thing as one of man’s greatest inventions. The only problemo here is that the current actually burns the mosquitoes so there might be some smoke that may be produced & when attacked with the racquet the dead mosquitoes body whirls around so fast that you get dizzy watching it. All this stuff make good visualization doesn’t it?!!
Sitting amidst the dead remains of the half burnt & charred bodies of the mosquitoes I have electrocuted (Ab tak chappan), I would like to sign off……………
My next post will be about cockroaches….I knows you can’t wait to read it but you’ll have to wait for my exams to end!!
Chao
Abhi

Ghusta Nahi Hai In My Head Pyaar Vyaar & All That Yeah!!!

The week leading to 14th Feb. V- day, is marked by a string of weird days having weird names.
Rose Day (sigh I didn’t get any!!), Hug Day (still waiting with arms wide open ;)), Chocolate Day (damn I was so looking forward to it & it turned out to be a holiday) & as far as I have heard Slap day (luckily I am taking an off on that day).
To tell you the truth I believe these days as worthless & just an excuse to party & have fun when no other plausible reason to party exists. Valentine’s Day, yah we have all heard that crap about some St. Valentino & shit but why do we actually require a special fixed date to express our love for someone. Saara pyar ushi din yaad aata hai kya?!
If you really love someone you don’t need no Valentine ’s Day to tell the person how special he/she is for you. To me V-day & other days (with the exception of chocolate day) is just another if those Westernized concepts, a day where Archie’s gallery makes some serious moolah out of selling V-day cards, roses & gifts a day where the Shiv Sena & Bajrang Dal have a field day out of wrecking shops decorated in pink & selling V-day merchandizes.
Interestingly, we often see couples in their teens cozying up during this day, taking oaths that they would love each other forever & the very next year & on the very same date we see those people cozying up with someone else repeating the same oaths. Personally I have nothing against V-day & relationships but I just don’t think that teens have enough maturity to be involved in a serious relationship.And if you people are thinking that ohk,” he’s just one of those weird- girlfriend- deprived- guys” who by the means of this post is expressing his jealousy then forget it coz I aen’t that deprived ;) . This post comes out from my personal experience & observations & also the comments on Kanny’s post titled, “Weirdo Magnet” where many matured people experienced in matters of loooove clearly stated that High School relationships are pure bullshit.How exactly can one expect a 17 year old to decide upon his life partner?!!
What we experience is not lurve it’s just a feeling of infatuation, a mere crush & nothing more. At this stage saying that , “Oh my fuckin lord I am in love!!” is just crap( yah well I used to say that too, mujhe toh 7th class se hii kisina kissi se pyaar hota rehta tha!!!) & what’s the point of getting involved in a relationship when you can flirt with soooo many people at the same time;) Just go ahead & enjoy that feeling of infatuation & that crush coz later in your life you just might look back down & realize how childish all that seemed.
So if you have a Valentine, go ahead enjoy the moment coz kya pata kal ho na ho coz as far as I’m concerned I am going to sit back & watch all the brainless gits out there making a jackass outta themselves on V-day. And I hope Love Guru Abhi was able to bring some enlightenment in you life & help you to detangle your terribly tangled love lives.

Ohk people just cross out everything I said coz this hot gal in my locality has just asked me out for a V-day date………….
Sigh……………..I think I am in LOVE!!

chao

Abhi aka Love Guru

Rang De Basanti!!!

When some friends, all of them girls, came & told me that the second half of the movie made them cry I felt really bewildered. How can you actually cry during a movie, I mean c’mon it’s just a damn movie, it isn’t real. The only answer that came to me was that girls were extremely emotional creatures & the only ones dumb enough to cry during a movie. But after watching the movie on Thursday my perception on the issue changed.
Let me fill you up with everything that happened on Thursday. In school Stan informed me that he & Aseem were going to Apoorv’s place after school & they would be going for Rang De Basanti from there. They didn’t bother inviting me coz they though I had already seen the movie the day before (yah you morons I had to cancel my plans coz of you). But whatever, I knew I wanted to see the film so I called up my parents from school telling them that I was going to Apoorv’s place & after much shouting & cursing over the phone( “Why are you so disorganized?!! Can’t you make plans beforehand?!! Sab last moment pe kyun batate ho?!!”) They finally agreed . So we ended up at Apoorv’s place & orders pizzas & cokes to fill up our empty stomachs. We listened to some music & saw some TV & watched the superman video, the song by Eminem & since I wasn’t feeling really well I decided to get some sleep while the others were busy playing on the comp. & dancing with the music on full volume. I woke up after 1 hour still feeling a bit off color so we had some tea, yup Apoorv makes some pretty good chai, & started changing. Our dress code for the evening was kurtas. This was Stan’s idea “Patriotic film hai desi kapdon mein jaenge”. Then at 6 Apoorv drove us to PVR Gurgaon (Apoorv drives pretty well too). We were delayed at the ticket counter due to some poor old lady who was animatedly talking to the guy at the counter & paying for the ticket in tenner’s. Then Apoorv our man goes up to the counter & says, “Bhaiiyya guess karo hum kaunsi movie dekhne aaye hain” & we all burst out laughing at the exasperated look of the counter guy. I suppose he meets many such wierdos during the day. Then we bought our tickets & Apoorv told the guy clearly that he didn’t want the seats anywhere near that old lady or budhiya as he called her. People everywhere were giving us weird stares, saalon ne kisiko kurta mein nahi dekha shayad or as Apoorv pointed out we were looking like violent student union leaders.
The movie was just awesome. We were laughing during the whole first half. Bhain de takkon ne kya movie banayee hai!!! I like all movies where they show how friends freak out & chill out together & the movie portrayed that aspect of friendship beautifully. The best part was when the Rang de Basanti song started playing. All 4 of us actually stood up & started dancing on the song using our recently acquired bhangra skills courtesy the talent show. Movie mein baithe sab bhain de takke sanu dekhe ja rahe they.
But the second half grew really intense. It was inspirational & patriotic. The way they showed how history repeats itself, how the stories of bhagat singh, azad & other krantikaaris influenced this teen generation to fight for their country & against corruption was truly heart touching. Try as hard as I could, I still couldn’t stop a tear or two from falling. I looked around & saw Stan & Apoorv rubbing their eyes. Aseem meanwhile had become really pensive & was watching the film with bloodshot eyes. The ending was sad really sad but this is usually what fate has in store for those who try to change or improve the existing system. The acting, direction everything is brilliant. Not just Aamir Khan but each & everyone has acted exceptionally well in the film.
I haven’t told the actual story coz I suppose many of you might not have yet seen it. So hurry up & watch the film coz it is truly a beautiful film that will truly inspire you & make you believe that things can be improved & after watching the film you don’t feel like crying well then screw you saala bhain da takka..

Jo bole sau nihaal stasriyakaal

Abhi